Canine Conundrums

There are moments in life in which all the scattering pieces fall into perfect alignment and suddenly a picture, clear and sharp as day, can be seen. Such moments are rare, so rare in fact they could be considered far more precious than gold.

Alexei was having one of those moments. Much to her annoyance, the moment happened to fall together as she was being propelled down the Lincoln Park trail at six in the morning by a pack, a literal pack, of dogs. The group was a motley crew. A Great Dane vied for the lead with a Siberian Husky of questionable parentage (although his owners swore to the contrary). Following close on their heels was chocolate Poodle of the larger variety, a black Labrador, and a Border Collie who kept trying to stick to the outside and herd the group together. Bringing up the tail was an assortment of what Alexei tended to think of as the seven dwarfs. Twin Dachshunds, one Lhasa Apso, and a quartet of bouncing Jack Russel's Why this particularly excitable breed was a favorite among tenants in her complex she would never know.

They were only five minutes out on their typical half hour walk and already the leashes were hopelessly tangled, the Dane was gasping for breath as he strained against his choke collar, and all four of the Terriers had attempted to terrorize a squirrel. As she twisted and turned, shifted leashes in her hands, and jumped over Babby, the lagging Lhasa, Alexei had her epiphany.

It started out as an extremely poignant burst of What the hell?! Fortunately this thought did not stay as it was, but evolved rather quickly.

She saw the moment in which her canine propelled purgatory started, how it grew from one tiny little dog to the mob it was now, and the lengths she had gone to in order to keep up with the ridiculous demand.

I don't want to do this. Why the thought hadn't occurred to her earlier she didn't know, but as she ran down the trail at unsafe speeds, the simple statement suddenly had a frightening weight to it. Like the words the sky is blue or I'm alive, it was truth which was clear and hard for her mind to tamper with.

I don't want to do this. So why had she?

It had started out as an kind gesture for her next door neighbor, the elderly owner of Babby. Mrs. Katzel had gone in for knee surgery and in an attempt to be a good neighbor, Alexei had offered to take her little companion for a couple of walks while she recovered. At the end of a month Babby, who rarely did anything more strenuous than walk over to her food bowl, was looking so fit and trim that Mrs. Katzel offered to pay for Alexei to take her out on a regular basis. Being a student who was often strapped for extra cash, Alexei agreed. After all, it wasn't as though she was doing anything extra really. She normally went for a walk in the mornings before school, what could it hurt to have a little company?

For a few weeks, everything was good. If she had known what that little gesture would have led to, she would have relished those weeks more. For it turned out Mrs. Katzel was talking her up. To her neighbor across the hall. To her neighbors in the elevator. To anyone in the complex who came within a few feet of her. And it seemed a lot of people listened. Alexei hadn't been aware of how many dogs had been in her building until they started showing up on her doorstep in the mornings. Gimli, the Dane, was the first. His owner had nearly scared the life out of her as she exited the apartment one morning. Gimli stood there looking innocent as can be as his owner explained his conversation with Mrs. Katzel. Gimli was a good dog he said, but needed more exercise than he had time to give him. Would Alexei mind terribly? It was an inconvenience, but he would pay.

Alexei had looked at the over-sized Gimli, then thought of tiny Babby and nearly laughed aloud. But she could use the money and at the very least the pair of them would be entertaining to her fellow trail walkers. She had taken the leash from his grateful owner, pocketed the first weeks payment, grabbed Babby from next door and had started out.

Gimli might have been the nice dog his owner described him as, but Alexei was hard pressed to find evidence of this on the trail. He was fine along the city streets, but the moment his paws hit the hard dirt something clicked inside of him. He became White Fang of the Alaskan Yukon. Fearlessly leading his pack over the expanse of the wilderness. It didn't seem to register with him that his pack consisted of one undersized Lhasa and a feverishly resisting human.

Alexei discovered quickly how strong he was. After the first morning she asked his owner to provide a choke collar. Gimli still forged on ahead, but at least she was able to get some degree of control on him. On the bright side, her legs were becoming fantastically fit due to all the resistance training he was providing.

Days came one by one and so did the dogs. Word had spread and it seemed each morning brought a new member to the group. She began waking up earlier and lifting weights at school so her thin arms could handle her early morning walking buddies better. On more than one occasion she had to sneak into a lecture because one of the dogs had escaped her grasp and she had to track the animal down. Her boss complained of wet dog smell on her, an odor which did not blend well with the coffee house where she worked. She tried to explain that she hadn't had time to shower because she spent several minutes trying to find Babby when she slipped from her leash, but he wasn't having it. He sent her home for the evening with orders not to let it happen again.

If work wasn't bad enough, dogs slipped into her dreams more often than not. One memorable night featured Gimli and Kato the Husky dressed in sequined body suits as they juggled the four hapless terriers.

She was making close to a thousand dollars a month but was it worth it? She didn't mind the weird looks she got and had to admit, the wide berth scary men gave her these days was certainly a bonus. But what about the bruises? The scratches? The sixty dollar running shoe she lost one day and never did find again?

Her grades were holding steady for the moment but she could sense their imminent downward slide. Professors gave her the evil eye for being late and her classmates had begun to avoid her. She hoped it wasn't because of the smell but had her suspicions. Even worse, her boss was getting into the habit of sniffing her cautiously as she came into work each day. It was embarrassing.

All these thoughts flashed through her mind in the space of a few moments as she was pulled down the trail. The dog's were happily oblivious to her turmoil. She became lost in her own thoughts as they trotted happily along, ignoring the tangle of the leashes and the incessant pull.

I don't want to do this.

The trail rounded a stand of trees and moved into a straight-away.

I don't want to do this.

A rustle of the bushes up ahead.

I don't want to do this.

A rabbit bounding into the dogs line of sight. Every leash suddenly snapped tight. A brief moment of stillness as the rabbit tensed and the dogs attention focused.

I don't want t----the rabbit fled and any continuing thoughts she may have had followed it's fluffy bouncing tail.

Her scream was lost as she struggled to keep up. The dogs moved as one mass after the fleeing rabbit, the larger dogs quickly outdistancing the smaller ones. Babby was the first to drop behind. Between huffing breaths and dodging tree roots she realized the Dachshunds weren't going to make it either. She knew the Jack Russel's would keep running even after they were technically dead, and the rest of the dogs were fairly matched. They wouldn't be stopping any time soon.

So it came down to a decision. Release the weaker ones and attempt to keep up with the others until they tired or their interest waned or let the larger ones go and keep a hold of the smaller ones. Guilt ate at her in those few moments of decision on the trail. All her neighbors at the complex gave their beloved pets into her care. What if some deranged psychopath captured them and turned them all into taxidermied puppets in doll dresses? Granted, the thought of Gimli in a frilly tutu would be something worthy of Ripley's, but it would still be horrible. Funny, but horrible.

And there was the possibility they wouldn't return at all, but keep running till they broke free of the park and wandered onto the on ramp. The thought of her neighbors watching their dogs dodging Ford Pintos as they barreled down I-76 on the morning news made her shiver. On the other hand, she was fairly certain if she let anything happen to little Babby, Mrs. Katzel would become a wig wearing incredible hulk.

It was a catch twenty two. A rock and a hard place. A conundrum. Whatever she chose to call it the fact remained that she was going to lose either way.

Her epiphany was what made the decision for her. She didn't want to do this. Never really had. It had simply began happening to her and she hadn't stopped it. The owners had kept on coming and she hadn't said no. Instead, she had taken the money and then the leashes with an inward sigh and did what had been expected.

Enough was enough.

The leashes had popped into her hands one by one. When she made her choice, they left all at once. With an almost victorious yell she threw down the leashes, abandoning them in one fell swoop and coming to a gradual stop on the trail. As the dogs plunged ahead she found herself swearing at the top of her lungs. Not at anyone or thing in particular, but just for the sake of doing it. She grinned manically as she raised her voice, certain by the time she was done that she had startled the birds soaring high above the trees.

She stopped when her voice grew hoarse and her mouth became dry. As she stood rooted to where she had stopped, a grin spread across her face and a feeling of release spreading like liquor through her chest. Something tickled her ankles and she looked down to see Babby rubbing at her legs like a cat, whimpering. Babby's affections normally irritated her, but as Alexei looked down at the fragile dog who had tried so hard the last month to keep up with everyone else, she felt a surge of affection rush through her.

Picking up the tiny fur balll, she could feel her heart thudding rapidly in her chest. She laughed as the dog licked her face eagerly and felt connected rather than burdened for the first time with this innocent animal.

Returning Babby to the ground, she picked up the leash. She was going to have to find the others now, and it wasn't going to be easy. Oddly, she didn't feel the panic she normally would have felt. It was though the very acknowledgment of what she wanted had freed her of her stress. Right now, what mattered was finding the dogs. Later she would deal with her teachers and her boss, if it came to it. But now was what mattered most.

She began her search by taking three steps north and coming to a halt. There, dominating the trail, was every last one of the dogs. They stood with their heads hung and their tails between their legs, each looking guilty as sin. Alexei slowly smiled. Then she threw back her head and laughed. When she was done she strode over to them, standing a few feet away from Gimli. On an impulse she placed her hands on her hips and ordered him to sit. And for the first time since they had met, Gimli obeyed. The others followed his lead quickly and in that moment, Alexei knew she had somehow won something. Something old and basic. Something visceral.

Gathering up the leashes, she took a step forward and for the first time it was she who led the group, not Gimli. The Great Dane stayed at her left side and Babby took up station at her right. Alexei had never felt like she did on that walk home. She had been recognized. It wasn't until later that she realized what she had won, what the dogs had actually realized before she had.

She had won back herself.